Problematic Love That Unknowingly Ruins and Grows You=By Kim Ji-yong, Dplot.
If you find yourself searching YouTube for tarot readings like “Does that person still think about me?” or listening to so-called romance “frequencies” promising “They’ll contact you in eight minutes,” this book argues you should start by looking inward.
For readers who avoid dating out of fear of heartbreak, or who cannot leave relationships that repeat the same wounds, the author urges them to stop blaming fate, a fixed destiny or past love and instead examine their own unconscious patterns.
Kim, a psychiatrist, draws on cases from his clinic, using what he calls a “T hammer” to bring hidden motives and fears to the surface. He analyzes a range of relationship patterns: people who cannot begin dating, those who date but avoid intimacy, those who cycle through frequent breakups, and those who repeatedly end up in unequal power dynamics in relationships.
Citing Sigmund Freud’s line that “in a married couple’s bedroom, there are six people,” Kim writes that early attachment to parents can shape adult romance. One example is a woman in her early 30s — attractive and with a stable job — who has never dated. Raised by a tyrannical father, she unconsciously built a hard boundary around one rule: “As long as he’s not like my dad.” Other cases include “L,” who cannot stand loneliness; “W,” who wants to be loved exclusively; and “G,” who is “too nice,” inviting readers to recognize themselves in past or current relationships.
Kim also warns against the idea that “your true other half is out there somewhere,” describing it as a form of manipulation. He argues that love should be grounded not in destiny but in clear thinking, conversation with a partner and growth that expands both people’s sense of self. If that kind of love feels unfamiliar, he writes, start “now, in the present.”
He also recommends the book to prospective parents and those raising young children, saying the attachment types described can help readers assess their own tendencies and consider whether they may be passing on insecure attachment.
"‘Life is not something you investigate in order to live; it is something you live while investigating.’ Yang Gui-ja,
Studying the Mind With Mencius=By Jang Hyun-geun, Hangilsa.
The author, a professor of Chinese studies at Yongin University and an adjunct professor at Jilin University in China, explains Mencius’ concept of “budongsim” — an unshakable mind — as not the suppression of emotion but the internalization of principles that do not collapse under pressure. People are inherently good, he writes, and when they waver it is due to outside influences.
Based on Mencius’ answer to how to remain steady, Jang lays out 22 everyday principles. They include holding to one’s intent and center without meddling in small matters; not standing too long at the door of someone who has closed off conversation; keeping principles without losing sight of what is most important and urgent; and setting rules to rely on when judgment blurs or emotions take over. For readers who feel shaken day to day, the book aims to offer a standard for self-reflection.
"Mencius was different. Rather than simply following fate, he opened the possibility of ‘seeing’ fate differently through self-cultivation and effort. He accepts that some fate cannot be helped, but also recognizes that not everything is fixed, and he sought ways to find happiness and joy on that side. He presented the path of seeking human nature — benevolence, righteousness, propriety and wisdom — as a ‘useful’ solution. What is useful in life is not money or power, but cultivation of the mind. Happiness gained through character cultivation matters more in life than a fate that merely brings good fortune." (p. 273)
* This article has been translated by AI.
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